No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize