Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
