Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
