he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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