just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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