i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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