I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
