Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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