What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
