it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
