Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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