32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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