anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
