Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
