Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
