Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
