Dual....:-)
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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