he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
