We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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