If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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