it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
