my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
