To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize