I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
there's paper in my vomit.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
