She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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