My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
