dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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