worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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