remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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