Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize