Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
