mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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