Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
