so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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