Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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