Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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