my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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