Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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