Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
