I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
