I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
