I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
