Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
