Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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