There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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