youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
