Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize