I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
