I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
