Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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