i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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