I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
