You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
