he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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