apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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