Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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