ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
