onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"