did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
