New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
