He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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